Wednesday, November 09, 2005
+___________+youwillowaxbemylittleprincess+___________+
im breakin into millions pieces rite now+*
i dun wan to lurve yew,but its all beyond my control =[
life seems so tough for me to go on.i dunno where am i headin to rite now.i cant find the wae out from this dark wurl.it seems to be in a complete black stage.i have been feelin so down.i cried myself to sleep.i guess im back to my old stage.the joanna who use to suffer from depression.i ant.cuz i am oreadi trap now.who will understand exactly how i feel?i guess its no one.none of my frens is there for me especially when im at my weakest time rite now.
is there such thing as true frens?i dunno.i cant find one rite now.i wanna let all my frens noe how am i feelin n to let them noe how much they mean to me.but i guess,there's no longer any chance anymore.all i can do is to break down by myself.bcuz there is no one hu will willingly lend me their shoulders to cried on.=x
frens are all leavin me one by one.none of them seems to be returnin back.i m reali veri tired of life.my life has been in a mess.i guess there's no turnin back anymore.
forr my dearest another half:you have been goin thru so much with me durin this six years.i dun blame yew for not bein there for me but i onli have myself to blame.i blame myself for dependin so much on yew.i guess rite now,all my frens are leavin me even yew are too.i will owax remember yesterdae,when im veri sad n i msg yew,hopin that u would at least care or bether about me,but my mindset has been change.yew did not reply me at all..its ok anywae,its all the past.i dun blame yew for that too.whatever that happens,its by my own doin.i choose to have drifted away from yew n others.n i cant regret now cuz everything has oreadi happen.as for next year,we are not in the same class,but as long as i can,i will be there for yew.esp when u are down.remember that u will owax be missed by me =[
for yew my darlin germaine:i dunno abt u but i noe that life hasnt been good for me without yew in my life.rite now im at my weakest time n when i needed yew most,u ar not by my side,supportin me or even to pull me thru life.i dun blame yew for that cause eveything is all my fault.im the one that cause u to hate me so much,the one that cause yew to have decided not to get close to me anymore.n the one that cause u to lose all the trust in me.i dun blmae yew at all.but all i wanna sae is that,can yew stop hurtin urself?it hurts me more.u cant solve ur problems by hurtin urself.cux the pain will be more den what u have expected.i can be dere or u wenever u nid me,though im no longer ur close frens anymore,but owax remember that i am owax thinkin of yew.n whatever you promise me,promise that u will alrights?
another thing is that,shld i give up or to hang on?im tired of lurvin yew,gal.but afterall im willin..haiss..u cried for me yesterdae?i was stunned when i heard that.its the fourth time yew shed tears for me while everydae,my heart is breakin bcux of yew.haiss..tell me why?haiss...i guess...everything is fadin away.my feelins for yew will owax stay but slowly,it will fade.i will just let fate decide where shld i go next..hais...
haiss...i reali miss the dae 080805..the dae when u treat me so good.wha i super happi can haiss..how i wish that dae will nvr ends.how i wish time will stop that.how i wish those hurts you've had nvr happen before.but like what i sae,'how i wish'lo..hais...it has oreadi happen.nth can ever replaced all those things.
i will cry.yes i wuld.i dun care if others sae abt me.cux i noe how am i feelin.i will cry my heart out one dae.n who wuld be the one to lend me her shoulders?haiss...wait till that dae come.n i will try my very best to go on with life.but if i cant,frens,dun blame me alrights?life is long yet tiring too..haiss...
i prayed that God will be the one,just for me,and if time is up,he will take me up.i reali prad that dae will come quickly.i cant stand it anymore.haiss..i will owax remember that even when my frens leave me,God is still there for me.he will be the one that pull me thru my darkest time,the one that will shine his lights on my path when it gets tougher.for he sae ,
'come to me for i am with you.even when ur frens leave u,rmb that i will owax be there.'
i can do all things thru christ who strengthens me.
he died for me on the cross,bearin all my sins.
he died for me bcux he lurves me more than anyone else.
im no longer the gal u use to befriend with.
i cant find back my own identity.
i dunno who am i rite now.
i am so lost in this wurl.
i cant find back my true self.
the wurl is dark n there's no light.
i will nt be the usual cheerful gal i use to be.
{ soulful writings by } ]]x[loving you hurts]x[ at
5:54 PM
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